


Lord of the Rings Filks

by Celandine



Category: Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Drama, F/M, Filk, Gen, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-05-14
Updated: 2006-02-07
Packaged: 2017-10-12 16:55:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 82
Words: 16,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/127022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celandine/pseuds/Celandine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These are parodies, songs whose lyrics have been reworked to tell of events and characters in Middle-earth. They encompass a variety of Ages, characters, and situations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arwen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aragorn's perspective on meeting Arwen in Lórien.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Rio," by Duran Duran; sung by Aragorn.

Standing in the grove now you have the beauty of a star  
Nightingale's sweet song, I'm entranced by who you are  
With a glance to your left and a turn to the right you disappear among the trees  
You know you're sheer perfection and you've brought me to my knees

Her name is Arwen and she is my Lúthien  
Just like a nightingale she sings in vale and glen  
And when she smiles she really makes me wonder when  
Oh Arwen, Arwen will we ever meet again

I've seen you under moon and I've seen you under sun  
None of a million Elves could make me so undone  
Like the Two Trees, your beauty calls its due  
Although I know that you are for me taboo

Her name is Arwen and she is my Lúthien  
Just like a nightingale she sings in vale and glen  
And when she smiles she really makes me wonder when  
Oh Arwen, Arwen will we ever meet again

Please now don't turn from me or destroy me with your frown  
For the goal of my life is to make you my wife  
For you I will survive, survive, survive  
I'll risk it all 'cause fate is on my side, I feel it,  
To you I'm appealing, I must reveal it, you sent my heart reeling

Her name is Arwen and she is my Lúthien  
Just like a nightingale she sings in vale and glen  
And when she smiles she really makes me wonder when  
Oh Arwen, Arwen will we ever meet again  
Her name is Arwen and she's far beyond my ken  
But I might win her if we ever meet again  
Oh Arwen, Arwen let me woo you now and then  
From far lands I will come to you in Lórien


	2. Arwen Evenstar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The people of Gondor sing to their queen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Mrs. Robinson," by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel; sung by the inhabitants of Gondor, written by Saruman & Glorfindel.

We'd like to know  
A little bit of history  
And your past.  
We'd like to help you make  
A Gondor splash.  
Look around you – all you see  
Are cold white marble walls.  
Stroll around the town –  
Someday you'll feel at home.

And here's to you, Arwen Evenstar,  
Gondor loves you more than you will know (Wo wo wo)  
We wish you please, Arwen Evenstar,  
Elvish ways to bring to us today (Hey hey hey, hey hey hey)

Do not think this is a place  
That hides more than it shows.  
Give us smiles and show us that Elf glamor.  
It isn't secret  
That the Evenstar is here.  
Most of all, you need to have a  
Couple kids.

Coo coo ca-choo, Arwen Evenstar  
Gondor loves you more than you will know (Wo wo wo)  
We wish you please, Arwen Evenstar,  
Elvish ways to bring to us today (Hey hey hey, hey hey hey)

Sitting in the throne room  
On a Highday afternoon,  
Listening to all the lords debate  
Quite the contrast  
To your own past  
When you had to choose  
Never think by coming here you'll lose

Where have you gone, Eless' Telcontar?  
A kingdom turns its lonely eyes to you (Ooo ooo ooo)  
What's that you say, Arwen Evenstar?  
"Aragorn has left and gone away" (Hey hey hey, hey hey hey)


	3. Back in the Land of Mordor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An anonymous Orc is dubiously glad to get home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Back In The USSR" by John Lennon & Paul McCartney; sung by an unknown Orc.

Trekked in from the Wilderland in company  
Didn't have the time to fight  
All the way from Elves and Dwarves we had to flee  
Man it was a dreadful plight  
I'm back in the land of Mordor  
You don't know how lucky you are, Orcs  
Back in the land of Mordor

Been off in the north and now back in disgrace  
To this land of barren stone  
And I hear tomorrow we'll be losing face  
Just you wait you'll hear us moan  
I'm back in the land of Mordor  
You don't know how lucky you are, Orcs  
Back in the land of  
Back in the land of  
Back in the land of Mordor

Well the Udûn Orcs really knock me out  
They leave the Trolls behind  
And Morgul Orcs make me scream and shout  
That Shelob's always on my my my my my my my my my mind  
Oh, come on  
Hu Hey Hu, hey, ah, yeah  
yeah, yeah, yeah  
I'm back in the land of Mordor  
You don't know how lucky you are, Orcs  
Back in the land of Mordor

Well the Udûn Orcs really knock me out  
They leave the Trolls behind  
And Morgul Orcs make me scream and shout  
That Shelob's always on my my my my my my my my my mind

Oh, take me to the Ephel Dúath, way down south  
Take me to the fields of Nurn  
Let me hear the masters' whips and each harsh shout  
Better there than here to burn  
I'm back in the land of Mordor  
You don't know how lucky you are, Orcs  
Back in the land of Mordor  
Oh, let me tell you Snaga


	4. Borderland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faramir pleads with his father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Borderline" by Madonna; sung by Faramir.

Daily orders come, the Steward sends his decrees  
But we cannot hold the city so soon my men and I must flee  
We'll pack up and depart  
It's all come apart  
Since my brother left this town  
Though we fought it was no go  
Father you must know  
We can't hold this piece of ground

Just try to sympathize, and don't your son despise,  
'Cause they got the best of me

Borderland, here's where we're going to make our stand  
Keep the Orcs from pushing Gondor out of the borderland  
Borderland, here's where we're going to make our stand  
Keep the Orcs from pushing Gondor out of the borderland

They keep pushing us westward  
Even though we're fighting so hard  
To keep Orcs from pushing Gondor out of the borderland

Cowards we are not although we now are forced to flee  
We will fight them all the way from river to the walled city  
But I must have more men  
If I'm to defend  
Minas Tirith to the end  
Order it today  
Without more delay  
If you would have your son obey

Just try to sympathize, and don't your son despise,  
'Cause they got the best of me

Borderland, here's where we're going to make our stand  
Keep the Orcs from pushing Gondor out of the borderland  
Borderland, here's where we're going to make our stand  
Keep the Orcs from pushing Gondor out of the borderland

They keep pushing us westward  
Even though we're fighting so hard  
To keep Orcs from pushing Gondor out of the borderland

Look what your madness has brought now  
Boromir is gone; somehow  
I'll keep Orcs from pushing Gondor out of the borderland  
I understand your pain, but we've a land to maintain  
What will it take to wake you now?  
As the Orcs are pushing Gondor out of the borderland


	5. Boromir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faramir remembers his brother at Henneth Annûn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Solitaire," performed by Laura Branigan; sung by Faramir at Henneth Annûn.

I still remember the way I used to trail you  
Promised I wouldn't fail you, and you trusted in me  
You knew I was true, knew I never would despair  
Even when you went off where I didn't dare

Once that dream was dreamt by you  
There was nothing I could do  
All those weeks I held my own, fighting in a crowd alone  
Wondering were you ever coming home

Boromir it was a trial  
Tell me was it worth your while?  
Where were you when we fought for each mile?

It will take time, I can't stop thinking about you  
Now I'm living without you, for you won't come back here  
I've seen your treasured horn in pieces; and I hate, oh yes  
I hate to believe it, that such was your fate

Once the dream was dreamt by you  
There was nothing I could do  
All those weeks you traveled home, in a crowd or all alone?  
Now I know you're never coming home

Boromir you're lost to me now  
Withered just like the White Tree now  
Boromir you were to me so dear

I will fight for land and city  
Though my heart is torn with pity  
And I face the future with great fear  
Boromir, Boromir, Boromir


	6. Boromir Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tribute to a warrior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Polythene Pam" by John Lennon & Paul McCartney; sung by the people of Minas Tirith.

Well you should see Boromir fight  
He's so good looking  
And the perfect white knight  
Well you should see him combat  
The Orcs and others like that  
Yes you should see Boromir fight  
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Get a dose of him in purple and gold  
He's fit and ready to  
Be valiantly bold  
He's the kind of a man  
Who needs no method or plan  
Yes you could say that he will never grow old  
Yeah, yeah yeah


	7. Bridge over Anduin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faramir, on the defense of Osgiliath and the Battle of Pelennor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Bridge over Troubled Water," by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel; sung by Faramir, written by Saruman & Glorfindel.

When the Nazgûl screech their call  
And Haradrim attack, we will fight them all  
We will not hide  
Oh, when Mordor's might  
On all sides us surrounds  
Then the bridge over Anduin  
We must pull it down  
Then the bridge over Anduin  
We must pull it down

When it's all in doubt  
When we must retreat  
When losses fail to guard  
I must lead them through  
I'll falter not, oh, when shadows come  
And darkness us surrounds  
Then the bridge over Anduin  
We must pull it down  
Then the bridge over Anduin  
We must pull it down

Ride on Mithrandir  
Almost fly  
It's not your time to shine  
Now is Éowyn's great day  
It will be fine  
Oh, when she needs a friend  
I will be there to find  
And the bridge over Anduin  
Will again banks bind  
And the bridge over Anduin  
Will again banks bind


	8. Bucklebury Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meriadoc on the merits of the girl-Hobbits in different places around the Shire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "California Girls," as sung by the Beach Boys; sung by Meriadoc.

Well Waymoot girls are cute  
I really like those braids they wear  
And the Sarn Ford girls with the way they bake  
They feed me up when I'm down there

Old Farmer Maggot's daughters have been known to dance all night  
And the Rushey girls with their furry feet  
They make the best ale – out of sight

I wish they all could be Bucklebury  
I wish they all could be Bucklebury  
I wish they all could be Bucklebury girls

The Buckland has its river  
And the girls go down to bathe  
I see them in the water in their skirted suits  
And when they look up they all wave

I've been out in the world of Men  
And I've seen all of their girls  
Yeah, but I was dyin' to get back to the Shire  
Back to the shortest girls in the world

I wish they all could be Bucklebury  
I wish they all could be Bucklebury  
I wish they all could be Bucklebury girls


	9. Call to Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gollum sings to himself on the borders of Mordor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Sounds of Silence" by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel; sung by S. Gollum, written by Saruman and Glorfindel.

Hello Precious, only friend  
We've come to take you home again  
Because a terror softly creeping  
Came upon us as we were sleeping  
And the terror that the wraiths gave to our soul  
Will never go  
Until your call is silenced

O'er rock and cliff we creeps alone  
Where the winds from Mordor groan  
‘Neath the glare of the Yellow Face  
We hides from it although we gives chase  
To the Hobbits two that eludes our every sight  
Until tonight  
When we will them silence

And in the friendly dark we knows  
Our Precious somewhere dimly glows  
But the Hobbits are not speaking  
They might hear us if they are listening  
So we must decide if we can reach it there  
And if we dare  
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools," we says, "they are asleep  
Hidden he the Precious keeps  
But his clothing hides It not from me  
Nothing will the Precious keep from me"  
And we goes to take it from his hold  
But our need  
Is now met with violence

And the Hobbits holds us tight  
Tied with rope that our flesh bites  
And Baggins gives us a warning  
Not to think of himself harming  
And he says that the Precious is a torment that will drive us to endless pain  
And darker dreams  
And cannot e'er be silenced


	10. Caradhras

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pippin thinks about the quest while they attempt to cross the pass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Planet Earth," by Duran Duran; sung by Pippin on the mountain.

Only came on quest to give some cousinly support  
I heard him offering to go like  
Some ancient hero looking for a mission new  
I don't know where we're headed though now

Listen and hear the sound of the howling wind  
No time to look around in the falling snow this is Caradhras  
We're slogging through Caradhras  
Do do do do do do do do this is Caradhras

My foot is stuck in something icy in the dirt  
So can someone lend a hand? Frodo  
Is already tired of this journey  
Though I am foolish that I do see

Listen and hear the sound of the howling wind  
No time to look around in the falling snow this is Caradhras  
We're slogging through Caradhras  
Do do do do do do do do this is Caradhras

Listen and hear the sound of the howling wind  
No time to look around in the falling snow this is Caradhras  
We're slogging through Caradhras  
Do do do do do do do do this is Caradhras  
Do do do do do do do do climbing Caradhras  
Do do do do do do do do leaving from Caradhras  
Do do do do do do do do that was Caradhras


	11. Dear Arwen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aragorn sings to Arwen in Lothlórien.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Dear Prudence" by John Lennon and Paul McCartney; sung by Aragorn in Lothlórien.

Dear Arwen won't you tell me I may  
Dear Arwen this is not in play  
The sun is gold but I am blue  
And will be till we say "I do"  
Dear Arwen won't you tell me I may

Dear Arwen I know I'm no prize  
Dear Arwen I can hear your sighs  
The wind is harsh but birds still sing  
And I will someday soon be king  
Dear Arwen then I will become a prize

Think it through through  
Think it through through through  
Think it through

Dear Arwen you are free of guile  
Dear Arwen you are not a child  
Your love will be my dearest chain  
So hold me and promise again  
Dear Arwen you are free of guile

Dear Arwen won't you tell me I may  
Dear Arwen this is not in play  
The sun is gold but I am blue  
And will be till we say "I do"  
Dear Arwen won't you tell me I may


	12. Denethor's Dream - from Silmarillion: The Musical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denethor retells his prophetic dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Pilate's Dream," from _Jesus Christ Superstar_ , lyrics by Tim Rice, music by Andrew Lloyd Webber; sung by Denethor. The concept of _Silmarillion: The Musical_ is borrowed from Cassie Claire's _Very Secret Diaries_.

I dreamed I met a kingly stranger  
A most impressive man  
He had a look  
I'd never seen before  
His face it promised war

I asked him  
What he planned to do next  
What might be his plan  
I asked again  
He turned his back on me  
To look at the White Tree

And next the lands were full  
Of Orcs, and fighting men  
Who followed this dark man  
They marched away and then  
The Orcs vanished again

Then I saw all Gondor's millions  
Calling for this man  
Himself the king of Gondor to proclaim  
And then I saw just flame


	13. Don't Cry for Me, Figwit Baby (Legolas's Theme) - from Silmarillion: The Musical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Legolas sings about Figwit (aka Melpomaen).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" from the rock opera _Evita_ , lyrics by Tim Rice, music by Andrew Lloyd Webber; sung by Legolas.
> 
> The character of Figwit was created, so far as I know, by inDUHvidual and Arwenelf, members of TheOneRing.net, on the basis of an Elf extra played by Bret McKenzie, who appears at the Council of Elrond in the film. They have a [website](http://www.figwitlives.net/) devoted to Figwit. The idea of _Silmarillion: The Musical_ and several other references are from Cassandra Claire's _Very Secret Diaries_.

It isn't easy to be so cool.  
And I will not explain my techniques -  
How I pluck and I groom and peroxide my hair.  
You may be jealous -  
All that you see is the swooning of crowds -  
But now I've a secret to tell:  
For you they'll be equally loud.

You have to keep your silence, and keep that pout.  
Arwenelf and Ms. DUH will make you  
Nothing less than an icon, and a rival to me.  
You'll have a website,  
Interviews too, what a thrill it will be.  
Such fame as you'd never expect  
For the character "Elf number three."

But don't cry for me Figwit baby!  
The truth is, I will outlast you.  
I'm in the next film  
And the one after;  
You'll have your moment,  
But hear my laughter.

For I'll have more than your fleeting fame.  
Yes, blonde hair will win in the end.  
All the Hobbits will fall for my archery skills.  
Though Sam may kill me,  
Still I'll travel with Frodo and you'll be stuck here.  
Although Elrond may fancy you still,  
I will see if the Ringbearer's queer.

No don't cry for me Figwit baby!  
For the truth is, I will outlast you.  
I'm in the next film  
And the one after;  
You'll have your moment,  
But hear my laughter.

(Will I lose my looks?  
There's nothing worse I can think of in any day.  
But since I left that Figwit guy in Rivendell  
The prettiest I'll stay...)


	14. Don't Wait for Me, Samwise Gamgee - from Silmarillion: The Musical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frodo takes leave of Sam, Merry, and Pippin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" from the rock opera _Evita_ , lyrics by Tim Rice, music by Andrew Lloyd Webber; sung by Frodo as he prepares to go to the Havens. The concept of _Silmarillion: The Musical_ is borrowed from Cassie Claire's _Very Secret Diaries_.

The voyage easy, the land so strange  
And although I know that it is real  
Yet I will need to touch earth after this journey's done  
It would relieve me  
Even with dearest Bilbo, it's only we two  
Although we're befriended by Elves  
Of Hobbits that's still far too few

I have to let it happen, this profound change  
Cannot stay in Bag End, let you deal  
While I stare out the window, yearning for the bright sun  
So I chose exile  
Off to the West, hoping that it would do  
A something to lessen my wounds  
But I don't much expect it to

Don't wait for me, Samwise Gamgee  
The truth is I have to leave you  
And Pip and Merry  
And this existence  
I do not wish to  
Go that great distance

But as for glory and all that fame  
I gladly give that up to you  
Though it seemed to you all that I was not esteemed  
Renown's illusion  
It is not a solution to what torments me  
The answer lies only in time  
So let go, if you still love me

Don't wait for me, Samwise Gamgee...

Don't wait for me, Samwise Gamgee  
The truth is I have to leave you  
And Pip and Merry  
And this existence  
I do not wish to  
Go that great distance

Must I go you ask? There's nothing that holds me here, my great quest is through  
But yet I wish I had the chance to stay and start my life anew


	15. Drive My Cart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Rosie are in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Drive My Car," by John Lennon and Paul McCartney; sung by Sam & Rosie.

Asked her once for a hot cup of tea  
She said, "Samwise, can't you see  
I'm trying to take all this hay to the shed  
And you can be useful here instead."

"Samwise you can drive my cart –  
No, it's not as fun as darts –  
Samwise you can drive my cart  
And you know I love you."

I told Rosie that my pony was lame  
And she said, "Samwise, I know your game.  
Working for Baggins is all very well  
But I can offer you something swell."

"Samwise you can drive my cart –  
No, it's not as fun as darts –  
Samwise you can drive my cart  
And you know I love you."  
Clip clop, clip clop, yeah.

"Samwise you can drive my cart –  
No, it's not as fun as darts –  
Samwise you can drive my cart  
And you know I love you."

I gave in then and I told her I'd go  
And she said, "Listen Sam, you have something to know  
I have no cart and I need to use yours  
But I'll help you out with your other chores."

"Samwise you can drive my cart –  
No, it's not as fun as darts –  
Samwise you can drive my cart  
And you know I love you."  
Clip clop, clip clop, yeah.  
Clip clop, clip clop, yeah.  
Clip clop, clip clop, yeah.


	16. Duty to Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosie thinks about Sam in his absence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Ticket to Ride," by John Lennon and Paul McCartney; sung by Rosie Cotton.

I know my Sam will return  
So I persevere, yeah.  
I have no cause for concern  
For one so sincere.

He had a duty to do,  
He had a duty to do,  
He had a duty to do,  
And danger share.

He said that Frodo had need  
To have him around, yeah.  
And when from that he was freed  
He'd back to me bound.

He had a duty to do,  
He had a duty to do,  
He had a duty to do,  
And danger share.

I don't know why this must be his fate,  
I wish he'd come home  
I wish he'd not roam from me.

He never asked me if I would wait,  
I wish he'd come home  
I wish he'd not roam from me.

I know my Sam will return  
So I persevere, yeah.  
I have no cause for concern  
For one so sincere.

He had a duty to do,  
He had a duty to do,  
He had a duty to do,  
And danger share.

I don't know why this must be his fate,  
I wish he'd come home  
I wish he'd not roam from me.

He never asked me if I would wait,  
I wish he'd come home  
I wish he'd not roam from me.

He said that Frodo had need  
To have him around, yeah.  
And when from that he was freed  
He'd back to me bound.

He had a duty to do,  
He had a duty to do,  
He had a duty to do,  
And danger share.

With Frodo somewhere  
With Frodo somewhere.


	17. Marching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bregalad and the other Ents travel to Orthanc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the traditional song "The Ants Go Marching"; sung by Merry and Pippin.

The Ents go marching one by one.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching one by one.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching one by one;  
Though Bregalad stops to plant a plum,  
And they all go marching off to Orthanc  
To suppress Saruman.  
Boom, boom, boom!

The Ents go marching two by two.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching two by two.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching two by two;  
And Bregalad mourns where rowans grew,  
And they all go marching off to Orthanc  
To suppress Saruman.  
Boom, boom, boom!

The Ents go marching three by three.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching three by three.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching three by three;  
And Bregalad speaks to each new tree,  
And they all go marching off to Orthanc  
To suppress Saruman.  
Boom, boom, boom!

The Ents go marching four by four.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching four by four.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching four by four;  
Though Bregalad does mayhem deplore,  
And they all go marching off to Orthanc  
To suppress Saruman.  
Boom, boom, boom!

The Ents go marching five by five.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching five by five.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching five by five;  
And Bregalad hopes they'll all survive,  
And they all go marching off to Orthanc  
To suppress Saruman.  
Boom, boom, boom!

The Ents go marching six by six.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching six by six.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching six by six;  
And Bregalad much trouble predicts,  
And they all go marching off to Orthanc  
To suppress Saruman.  
Boom, boom, boom!

The Ents go marching seven by seven.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching seven by seven.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching seven by seven;  
And Bregalad lifts his hands to heaven,  
And they all go marching off to Orthanc  
To suppress Saruman.  
Boom, boom, boom!

The Ents go marching eight by eight.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching eight by eight.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching eight by eight;  
And Bregalad tells of his lost mate,  
And they all go marching off to Orthanc  
To suppress Saruman.  
Boom, boom, boom!

The Ents go marching nine by nine.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching nine by nine.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching nine by nine;  
Now Bregalad sees old Fangorn's sign,  
And they all go marching off to Orthanc  
To suppress Saruman.  
Boom, boom, boom!

The Ents go marching ten by ten.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching ten by ten.  
Hoorah! Hoorah!  
The Ents go marching ten by ten;  
And Bregalad stops to shout,  
"THE END!!"


	18. Fanfiction Writer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An author pleads to her readers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Paperback Writer," written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney.

Fanfiction writer

Dearest web surfer, will you read my tale?  
It took me hours to write, it's full of great detail.  
Based on the novel by the late Tolkien  
And I want reviews, 'cause you know I am a fanfiction writer,  
Fanfiction writer.

It's a thrilling story of an Elf or three  
And some Hobbits who're trying hard to flee.  
There are twists and turns like you won't believe,  
It's still incomplete, 'cause you know I am a fanfiction writer,  
Fanfiction writer.

Fanfiction writer

It's a hundred chapters, give or take a few,  
I'll be typing more in a day or two.  
It's a work in progress, and if you review  
I will add some more, 'cause you know I am a fanfiction writer,  
Fanfiction writer.

If you really like it tell each of your friends;  
They can spread the word – this tale never ends.  
If you think it's garbage then just click away  
I want only praise, 'cause you know I am a fanfiction writer,  
Fanfiction writer.

Fanfiction writer  
Fanfiction writer  
Fanfiction writer  
Fanfiction writer  
Fanfiction writer


	19. The Fellowship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Retelling of the story of the Fellowship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Jabberwocky," by Lewis Carroll.

'Twas Frodo and three hobbits more  
Did leave the Shire in haste one day.  
All frightened were they of the lore  
That old Gandalf did say.

"Beware the black Nazgûl my lad!  
Their swords can bite, if you they catch.  
Their presence drives all creatures mad -  
You from your friends they'll snatch."

He took the golden ring on chain  
And sought to flee them with the rest;  
Then saved by Elf he found himself  
In Elrond's care, at rest.

The Ring could not stay then or there,  
To Fires of Doom it must be brought.  
So Frodo, amid pain and care,  
Made the choice to cast his lot

With Elf and Dwarf, Hobbit and Man  
And sought a route to Sauron's land.  
The Nine who walked, did also talk  
Of how to reach that distant strand.

But could they match the grim Balrog?  
‘Twould be a chore for Gandalf grey.  
O wizard brave, the rest did save –  
He fell and died that day.

The Company then fled the cave;  
To Lórien they sadly passed.  
And though the Lady to them gave  
Gifts, still they mourned at last.

Now on to Mordor grimly pressed  
The Fellowship, on river's flow.  
Then Boromir tried in his fear  
To take the Ring from Frodo.

The Hobbit fled up Amon Hen  
And Orcs killed Boromir that day;  
Merry and Pip were captured then,  
Brought to Fangorn far away.

Aragorn then with rapid tread  
Led Legolas, Gimli, from the scene  
While faithful Sam and Frodo fled  
'Cross Anduin, to lands unseen.


	20. Fifty Ways to Leave the Comp'ny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frodo and Boromir at Parth Galen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover," by Paul Simon; sung by Frodo.

The problem is not unsolvable, he said to me  
My actions will ensure that there's no doubt, just misery  
You'll find it's really not a struggle to be free  
There must be fifty ways to leave the comp'ny

He said, you must know that to which I now allude  
Furthermore the whole fellowship is aware of my bad mood  
I just suggest that you don't forget to take some food  
There must be fifty ways to leave the comp'ny  
Fifty ways to leave the comp'ny

Just slip on that ring thing  
Make a new plot, tot  
You don't need to be shy, guy  
Just get yourself free  
Hop in that ship, skip  
You need no sails for this trip  
Just oars and a hope, dope  
So get yourself free

Just slip on that Ring thing  
Make a new plot, tot  
You don't need to be shy, guy  
Just get yourself free  
Hop in that ship, skip  
You need no sails for this trip  
Just oars and a hope, dope  
So get yourself free

He said it hurts me so to see you with that Ring  
I wish you would agree to my home it now bring  
I said I will never do that and what's this thing  
About the fifty ways

He said why don't I quickly show you how I'm right  
And I believe in a moment you will understand your plight  
And then he drew sword and I realized that it was time for flight  
There must be fifty ways to leave the comp'ny  
Fifty ways to leave the comp'ny

Just slip on that ring thing  
Make a new plot, tot  
You don't need to be shy, guy  
Just get yourself free  
Hop in that ship, skip  
You need no sails for this trip  
Just oars and a hope, dope  
So get yourself free

Just slip on that Ring thing  
Make a new plot, tot  
You don't need to be shy, guy  
Just get yourself free  
Hop in that ship, skip  
You need no sails for this trip  
Just oars and a hope, dope  
So get yourself free


	21. For Boromir, Wherever He May Be Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faramir thinks of his brother, searching for Imladris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "For Emily, Whenever I May Find Her," by Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel; sung by Faramir after his dream, by the dynamic duo of Saruman and Glorfindel.

What a dream I had  
And it frightened me  
Words I had to heed  
To Father make a plea  
I hoped not in vain

I searched in ancient books for  
All that they could say  
Concerning "Morgul-spells,"  
"Halflings," and all that me mazed  
As I dreamt on

And when I went to him as  
I knew must be right  
He scarcely looked at me  
And thus he dismissed the plight  
Of our fair land

For when I woke  
Those words still in my ear  
I knew that Imladris  
Was no source of fear  
So you must go, brother  
So you must go


	22. For Rosie, Whenever I May Find Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam dreams of Rosie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "For Emily, Whenever I May Find Her," by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel; sung by Sam, written by Saruman & Glorfindel.

What a dream I had  
Picking strawberries  
In the summer sun  
With only my Rosie  
Love was our domain

I wandered Hobbiton  
Down through those golden days  
I heard the nesting birds  
Chirping in their hedgerow maze  
As I walked on

And when she ran to me  
Her smile so gladly bright  
We walked through dusty fields  
And watched the birds all take flight  
I held her hand

And when I woke  
And knew she was not here  
I hid from Frodo that  
I inclined to tears  
Oh I love her so  
Oh I love her


	23. Frodo's Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the journey through Mordor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Kathy's Song," by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel; sung by Frodo.

I hear the rumble of Mt. Doom  
Like a portent of defeat  
Ash and smoke it's vomiting  
Falling on my head and feet.

And though the fumes are harsh to breathe  
Though the smoke does sting my eyes  
I try to think of what I've left  
Of Bag End where my heart lies.

My mind's all muddled and confused  
My thoughts are all in disarray  
I scarcely know what I'm doing  
I just go on from day to day.

And a poem I was writing remains undone  
I don't know why I have come here  
On a quest that can't succeed  
Forsaking all I once held dear.

So you see I have no hope left  
That I ever will win through  
For even Sam cannot discern  
What from Rivendell I knew.

But as I hear the mountain groan  
Promising that I'll soon die  
I know that I am like a stone  
And all the fates I will defy.


	24. From My Mug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pippin meditates on the joys of beer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "In My Life," written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney; sung by Pippin.

There are beers that I'll remember  
All my life, though some are strange  
Some are sweet and some are bitter  
Some are strong and some mundane  
All these mugsful have their moments  
With Merry and Sam  
And Frodo and all  
Some are dark and some are amber  
From my mug I've drunk them all

But of all these ales and liquors  
There is not one that I can choose  
It's my memories of the friendship  
At _The Ivy Bush_ , more than its brew  
Though I know I'll always love their porter  
Their lager and stout, and all that's poured  
And every time I pass I'll have another  
From my mug I'll drink once more

Though I know I'll always love their porter  
Their lager and stout, and all that's poured  
And every time I pass I'll have another  
From my mug I'll drink once more  
From my mug I'll drink once more


	25. Gandalf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saruman watches the Fellowship in the palantír.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Pressure," by Billy Joel; sung by Saruman.

You have to keep rein on yourself  
Gandalf  
You can't lead everybody else  
Gandalf  
You've never had to put in place a king  
But you will come to a time  
When the only choice you make  
Is hidden, dark, in your mind  
And you'll have to die then Gandalf

You used to call me meddlesome  
Gandalf  
But can't you see that you are one  
Gandalf  
You think that flouting Sauron is simple  
Now here you are with your faith  
And your simpleton advice  
You may have lines on your face  
But you'll fail in the end Gandalf

Always moving, someplace to go  
Steward or king  
Which should now go?  
All your life you've wasted on Men  
Foolish of you  
They don't know friends  
Gandalf  
Gandalf

Don't look to me to help you out  
Gandalf  
You'll have to manage – which I doubt  
Gandalf  
I'm sure you have some philosophic plan  
But here you are in the Mines  
Aragorn is losing hope  
Nothing to do but give in  
Fall into the abyss Gandalf  
Gandalf

All your life you've tried to do good  
I gave that up  
Who says we should?  
Gandalf

I'm sure you have some philosophic plan  
But here you are with your faith  
And your simpleton advice  
You may have lines on your face  
But you'll fail in the end Gandalf  
Gandalf, Gandalf  
Just give up now  
Gandalf


	26. Golden Mellyrn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haldir sings to Melpomaen; set at the time of the fic "Departing".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Golden Slumbers" by John Lennon and Paul McCartney; sung by Haldir.

Once I knew a way to travel westward  
Once I knew a way to travel west  
Sleep _meldanya_ now, for night is nigh  
And when you wake we both will fly

Golden _mellyrn_ are the prize  
Gleaming in the bright sunrise  
Sleep _meldanya_ now, for night is nigh  
And when you wake we both will fly

Once I knew a way to travel westward  
Once I knew a way to travel west  
Sleep _meldanya_ now, for night is nigh  
And when you wake we both will fly


	27. Gollum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo sings of the creature he's met in the caves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Cloudy," written by Paul Simon; sung by Bilbo.

Gollum  
His skin is greenish and quite loathsome,  
Sometimes I think he has no teeth, just gums.  
And it's strange to see him smile.  
His expression full of bile  
Though he thinks he's full of guile.  
I'll play his game and go back to the Dwarves in a short while.

Gollum  
His cave is lightless and his pool glum,  
Even the Orcs would call it a slum.  
This game he does compel.  
So we riddles each will tell.  
And whichever does most well  
He will have the prize he wishes and the other bid farewell.

Hey Balin  
Remember lucky number fourteen.  
Where have you Dwarves escaped to unforeseen?  
These riddles that I try  
Are ending in a tie.  
And I'm worried I might die.  
I can't think of another so I'll have to be more sly.

Gollum,  
Gollum.


	28. Haldir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melpomaen sings to his partner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Michelle," by John Lennon and Paul McCartney; sung by Melpomaen.
> 
> Note on translation of the Sindarin: _Le nallon, a tiro nin Haldir_ : To thee I cry, o look towards me, Haldir; _Nín Haldir_ : My Haldir

Haldir, my dear  
Sunlight's bright whenever you appear  
My Haldir

Haldir, my dear  
 _Le nallon, a tiro nin Haldir  
Nín Haldir_

Together, together, together  
I long for us to stay  
I know we'll find a way  
We will live and die in company and pass westward then

Haldir, my dear  
 _Le nallon, a tiro nin Haldir  
Nín Haldir_

You have to, you have to, you have to  
You have to believe me  
Forever I'll love thee  
Until the end of time itself, most unselfishly  
I love you

I know you, I know you, I know you  
You'll never disavow  
Our love, but will allow  
It to grow strong and last life-long and even beyond

Haldir, my dear  
 _Le nallon, a tiro nin Haldir  
Nín Haldir_  
We will live and die in company and pass westward then  
 _Nín Haldir_


	29. Help Us Gollum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frodo needs help across the Dead Marshes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Help Me Rhonda" by Brian Wilson, performed by the Beach Boys; sung by Frodo.

Well since we left the rest we've been out wanderin' in dread  
Past the Emyn Muil and now there are these swamps ahead

Well, Gollum you aren't so kind (aren't so kind)  
But I know the Ring is on your mind  
So would you help us Gollum  
Help us through the Dead Marshes part

Help us Gollum  
Help, help us Gollum  
[repeat 5x]  
Help us Gollum yeah  
Help us through the Dead Marshes part

I was gonna go alone  
And travel even without Sam  
But he said he'd never stay far behind me  
And that ruined my plan

Well Gollum you well know why (well know why)  
I gotta go along to Sauron's Eye  
You gotta help us Gollum  
Help us through the Dead Marshes part

Help us Gollum  
Help, help us Gollum  
[repeat 5x]  
Help us Gollum yeah  
Help us through the Dead Marshes part

Help us Gollum  
Help, help us Gollum  
[repeat 5x]  
Help us Gollum yeah  
Through the Dead Marshes part

Help us Gollum  
Help, help us Gollum  
[repeat 3x to fade]


	30. Help Us Treebeard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merry and Pippin ask the Ent for assistance as they flee the Orcs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Help Me Rhonda" by Brian Wilson, performed by the Beach Boys; sung by Merry and Pippin.

Well once they picked us up we were caught tryin' to get loose  
Carried like two sacks and hoping that we would not be abused

The forest it looked quite black (looked quite black)  
But we thought it would be worth a crack  
So will you help us Treebeard  
Help us get away from the Orcs

Help us Treebeard  
Help, help us Treebeard  
(repeat 5x)  
Help us Treebeard yeah  
Get away from the Orcs

We were going to Mordor  
With other Halflings and some Men  
With a Wizard, Dwarf, and Elf we were floating  
Down past old Amon Hen

But that's when things came undone (came undone)  
And we were grabbed by Orcs who up and run  
You gotta help us Treebeard  
Help us get away from the Orcs

Help us Treebeard  
Help, help us Treebeard  
(repeat 5x)  
Help us Treebeard yeah  
Get away from the Orcs

Help us Treebeard  
Help, help us Treebeard  
(repeat 5x)  
Help us Treebeard yeah  
Get away from the Orcs


	31. He's Always a Hobbit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frodo sings about Gollum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "She's Always a Woman," by Billy Joel; sung by Frodo.

He may throttle my neck, he may claw at my eyes  
He will ruin my day with his tricks and his lies  
And he acts as a guide only reluctantly  
He looks like a frog, but he's always a Hobbit to me

He can lead us through marsh, he will snuffle and thieve  
He may say he says truth (Sam will never believe)  
And he'll steal the Ring from me so I can be free  
Yeah he cackles and grins but he's always a Hobbit to me

Oh he takes care of Precious  
He can wait if he wants  
He will get it in time  
Oh and he almost repents  
But he never quite does  
He just changes his mind

He may promise us safety and paths up the Stairs  
And then cunningly lead us to Shelob's dark lairs  
But he'll bring out the best in my Samwise Gamgee  
So I don't blame myself, 'cause he's always a Hobbit to me

(Mmm)

Oh he takes care of Precious  
He can wait if he wants  
He will get it in time  
Oh and he almost repents  
But he never quite does  
He just changes his mind

He is not often kind, and he's frequently cruel  
And to come back to Mordor may prove him a fool  
But I can't even blame him for following me  
In the end he will do  
What I choose not to do  
And he's always a Hobbit to me

(Mmm)


	32. Hide from Yellow Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gollum pursues Frodo and Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "I've Just Seen A Face" by John Lennon & Paul McCartney; sung by Gollum.

Hide from Yellow Face  
Her light will let them find and trace me as a threat  
She hurts my eyes you see  
And I would be a prize for them you bet  
Mm mm mm mm mm mm

If it were a cloudy day  
I could have followed right away  
And they'd have never been aware  
That I'm behind with schemes all fueled by spite  
Li li li li li li

Galling, yes it is galling  
But I'll keep crawling  
On after them

I have never been as close as this  
But I can tell that it exists: Ring  
pulls me close tonight  
If only I can steal it I'll know bliss  
Da da da da da da

Galling, yes it is galling  
But I'll keep crawling  
On after them  
Yeah, pa pa pa pa

Galling, yes it is galling  
But I'll keep crawling  
On after them

Hide from Yellow Face  
Her light will let them find and trace me as a threat  
She hurts my eyes you see  
And I would be a prize for them you bet  
Mm mm mm mm mm mm

Galling, yes it is galling  
But I'll keep crawling  
On after them  
Galling, yes it is galling  
But I'll keep crawling  
On after them  
Oh galling, yes it is galling  
But I'll keep crawling  
On after them


	33. High Flying, Figwit - from Silmarillion: The Musical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The origins of Figwit aka Melpomaen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sung by the TOR.n chorus and Figwit (Melpomaen) himself. Based on "High Flying, Adored" from the rock opera _Evita_ , lyrics by Tim Rice, music by Andrew Lloyd Webber.
> 
> The character of Figwit was created, so far as I know, by inDUHvidual and Arwenelf, members of [TheOneRing.net](http://www.theonering.net/index.stat), on the basis of an Elf extra played by Bret McKenzie, who appears at the Council of Elrond in the film. They have a [website](http://www.figwitlives.net/) devoted to Figwit. The idea of _Silmarillion: The Musical_ and several other references are from Cassandra Claire's _Very Secret Diaries_.

_The chorus from TOR.n sings:_

High flying, Figwit, so cool, at the big council  
A dark handsome young Elf who stared in silence, he sat between  
Our Strider of the Rangers and some dude  
He was just an extra then  
Pouting and sulking  
No good at talking

High flying, Figwit, did you not hope to have counsel given  
Not just sat and stared, but to have joined the lads in Rivendell?  
Was there some mystery that kept you from speech?  
Did you come from the Havens or the forest of Lórien?  
No one knows and that Figwit will not tell

High flying, Figwit, what will you do? Will you appear again to us?  
For someone so briefly on screen your fans have sure made a fuss  
A shame you were not cast as Legolas  
But it's too late for that  
Orlando Bloom did  
Quite a good job, kid

High flying, Figwit, We hope you find success in movies  
Job offers will come to you, you know, although you may not want them now  
You've been made by the fandom - can you really act?  
So put paid to the rumors, and show us that you do know how  
Arwenelf and DUH will come and bow...

 _Figwit sings:_

I may be Figwit, but as you know, I am more than just that  
My story's quite usual - local guy is cast and ends a star  
I was at the audition and they picked me out  
Then I sat at the table, the rest you already know  
You'll see me, I'm going very far


	34. Hobbiton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An ode to the Hobbit town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Penny Lane," by John Lennon and Paul McCartney; sung by Meriadoc, composed by him on a visit to his cousin Bilbo.

In Hobbiton there is a brewer filling barrels full  
Of all the ale that it's his pleasure to sup  
And all the Hobbits that wander up  
Stop and have a cup

On the corner is a blacksmith with a mighty frown  
The little children hold him in most high respect  
Yet the blacksmith always plays a clown  
On Midsummer's day, it's very strange

Hobbiton is in my eyes and on my skin.  
There in front of Bilbo's own Bag End  
I sit, and meanwhile down

In Hobbiton there is a miller with a surly tongue  
And in his mill-house is a great and grinding stone  
He likes to grumble that he's never done  
But he works alone

Hobbiton is in my eyes and in my skin.  
There in front of Bilbo's own Bag End  
I sit, and meanwhile down

Behind the stables where the farmers keep their willing nags  
Gaffer Gamgee's selling taters when he may  
And though he makes a bit o' coin that way  
It may take all day.

In Hobbiton the brewer fills another barrel full  
We see the blacksmith coming for his noontime mug  
And the miller brings along his son  
On Midsummer's day, it's very strange

Hobbiton is in my eyes and in my skin.  
There in front of Bilbo's own Bag End  
I sit, and meanwhile down  
Hobbiton is in my eyes and in my skin.  
There in front of Bilbo's own Bag End  
Hobbiton.


	35. The Huorns Sleep Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the road to Helm's Deep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Wimoweh" as performed by the Kingston Trio; sung by the Ents on the way to Helm's Deep.

In dim Fangorn, once-mighty Fangorn, the Huorns sleep tonight  
In dim Fangorn, once-mighty Fangorn, the Huorns sleep tonight

Up the valley, the peaceful valley, the Huorns creep tonight  
Up the valley, the peaceful valley, the Huorns creep tonight

Now at Helm's Deep the Orcs will soon weep—the Huorns reap tonight  
Now at Helm's Deep the Orcs will soon weep—the Huorns reap tonight


	36. I Do Know Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boromir sings at Parth Galen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Don't Ask Me Why" by Billy Joel; sung by Boromir.

All the Hobbits on this long journey  
Do from thoughts of combats shrink  
We the Men must fight to keep them free  
And we may succeed, I think  
Won't wait for answers  
I'll take my chances  
I do know why

All my life I've been the Steward's child  
And I'm waiting for that seat  
All his choices have left me beguiled  
And indeed I feel the heat  
Won't wait for answers  
I'll take my chances  
And you know why

I have heard obedience can be a foolish thing  
And it to the loss of will can lead  
But I obey the Steward in the absence of a king  
And for him would do a mighty deed

All the goblins in the Riddermark  
Now come to disrupt our plans  
Fight them all, I will not choose the dark  
In the end I'll make a stand  
I ask no favors  
From jumped-up rangers  
Though I may die

Earlier I thought to take the Ring  
Now its bearer's gone away  
Instead my blade will of battle sing  
For as long as fight I may  
There are no answers  
I took my chances  
And soon I'll die  
I do know why


	37. I Don't Know If I Love Him - from Silmarillion: The Musical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gollum sings about Frodo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "I Don't Know How to Love Him," from _Jesus Christ Superstar_ , lyrics by Tim Rice, music by Andrew Lloyd Webber; sung by Gollum. The concept of _Silmarillion: The Musical_ is borrowed from Cassie Claire's _Very Secret Diaries_.

I don't know if I love him  
What to do, if I love him  
I've been changed, yes by Precious  
In these past few days  
Sméagol has come back  
And I seem like someone else

I don't know how to lead him  
I don't know where he travels  
Master is  
A Hobbit too  
But he's raised so many  
Memories  
In very many ways  
I want to please

Should I lead him true  
Or deceive these two  
Should I go to Her?  
I am torn by doubt  
I never thought I'd come back here  
What's it all about?

And I think it's rather funny  
I should be in this position  
I'm the one  
Who found Precious  
In that deep pool  
Am I a fool  
Caring for Frodo  
He binds me so

I never thought I'd come back here  
What's it all about?

Yet  
If he said he'd free me  
I'd be lost  
I'd be lonely  
I couldn't cope  
Just couldn't cope  
I'd follow him  
I'd never leave  
I wouldn't want to go  
He binds me so  
I want It so  
I love him so


	38. I Hold the Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denethor's bleak outlook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "I Am A Rock" by Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel; sung by Denethor, written by Saruman and Glorfindel.

On every day  
In this drear and darkling season  
I am alone,  
Gazing at the crystal so I can see far  
I must know who our enemies they are  
I hold the stone,  
I am the Steward.

We've built walls,  
And Minas Tirith holds out.  
My elder son defends us.  
We have no need of allies; Rohan I distrust,  
And someday all our swords will fall to rust.  
I hold the stone,  
I am the Steward.

Don't talk of peace,  
It's naught but empty mouthings.  
There's nothing but loss ahead.  
The history of Gondor is one of a long slide.  
I cannot count the thousands that have died.  
I hold the stone,  
I am the Steward.

I've read the books  
And the records of our hist'ry.  
Now I walk each day in my armor,  
Up to Ecthelion's Tow'r, enduring every hour  
There's no way we can win I can foresee.  
I hold the stone,  
I am the Steward.

And no king can appear.  
The _palantír_ never lies.


	39. I'm With You Dear Mister Frodo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam at Parth Galen insists on traveling with his master.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" by Wham!; sung by Sam.

(Journeying) [4x]

It puts the worry into my heart  
This quest to Sauron's land doesn't seem too smart  
Journeying to his domain  
Every step we take may be taken in vain  
And something's troubling you  
Something ain't right  
I heard you talking to yourself last night  
Planning to go on ahead  
Keep on dreaming, 'cause your Sam will do as Gandalf said

I'm with you dear Mister Frodo  
Don't try to leave me and go it solo  
I'm with you dear Mister Frodo  
I don't want to stay behind as you take flight  
I'm with you dear Mister Frodo  
Leaving me behind would be a low blow  
I'm with you dear Mister Frodo  
Off to Mordor tonight  
And Sauron we'll defy (yeah, yeah)

There may be dangers all of the way  
The sun may hide behind the clouds of darkest grey  
I'll be there with you all the same  
To dread Mount Doom and its cruel mouth of flame  
'Cause you're my master, I'm no fool  
You'll need my service when the path is cruel  
Mister Frodo, now, tonight  
We'll go questing, everything will be all right

I'm with you dear Mister Frodo  
Don't try to leave me and go it solo  
I'm with you dear Mister Frodo  
I don't want to stay behind as you take flight  
I'm with you dear Mister Frodo  
Leaving me behind would be a low blow  
I'm with you dear Mister Frodo  
Off to Mordor tonight  
And Sauron we'll defy (yeah, yeah, master)

(Journeying)  
(Journeying)

  
Hurry, dear master, to the blight  
We'll keep walking tomorrow night  
It's cold and grim and I'm feeling dread  
But I'll go, everywhere you tread

(Journeying)

I'm with you dear Mister Frodo  
Don't try to leave me and go it solo  
I'm with you dear Mister Frodo  
I don't want to stay behind as you take flight  
I'm with you dear Mister Frodo  
Leaving me behind would be a low blow  
I'm with you dear Mister Frodo  
Off to Mordor tonight  
I'm with you dear Mister Frodo, don't you dare to leave and try to go it solo  
Take me with you

(As you go)


	40. Into the Misties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo remembers his journey to the mountains with the Dwarves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison; sung by Bilbo.

They were Dwarves adventure-bound  
Seeking lucky fourteen too  
And they thought that I would do, and we traveled to the Misties

'Ware lest Trolls should pick our bones  
Till the dawn turn them to stone  
And our journey carried on into the Misties

And when the goblins come I will wish I were home  
And when the goblins come I will lay low  
I don't want their rough blows

I thought to travel far and wide  
Just like my Tookish kinsmen, in my pride  
And there's no means of escaping now crossing the Misties

And when the goblins come I will wish I were home  
And when the goblins come I will lay low  
I don't want their rough blows

I thought to travel far and wide  
Just like my Tookish kinsmen, in my pride  
And there's no escaping now crossing the Misties  
With the Dwarves...


	41. Ioreth Healer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The people of Gondor remember how their king was recognized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Eleanor Rigby" by John Lennon and Paul McCartney; sung by the people of Gondor.

Ah, listen to the joyful people  
Ah, listen to the joyful people

Ioreth Healer says that the hands of a king show his power to heal,  
Makes an appeal.  
Bustles in cool halls, chattering now of the legends she knows,  
What are they for?  
All the joyful people, what makes them all so glad?  
All the joyful people, will no one now be sad?

Strider Elessar, coming to serve as a healer in all namelessness,  
Clearing the mess.  
With sweet galenas, bringing a breath of fresh air 'gainst the Nazgûl’s Black Breath  
Save them from death.  
All the joyful people, what makes them all so glad?  
All the joyful people, will no one now be sad?

Ah, listen to the joyful people  
Ah, listen to the joyful people

Ioreth Healer talks to her cousin of healing and herblore and kings,  
And suchlike things.  
Strider Elessar enters the city to cheers and the hope of all men.  
"A king again!"  
All the joyful people, what makes them all so glad?  
All the joyful people, will no one now be sad?


	42. Istar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Treebeard sings to Saruman in Orthanc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Old Friends," by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel; sung by Treebeard, a Saruman & Glorfindel tune.

Istar,  
Istar,  
Locked up in Orthanc –  
Your bell jar.  
A suddenly roused group of Ents  
Fell on your tower,  
And now captive  
Is what you are.

Istar,  
Saruman, master  
Of naught now.  
Hiding in stony rooms,  
Waiting for Mithrandir.  
The sounds of the water,  
Lapping your gates  
Provokes your wrath,  
But there's nothing  
For you, Istar.

Can you imagine that  
You could be saved,  
If you could tolerate forgiveness?  
Can you not let go  
Of your craftiness?  
Istar,  
They will remember you for years  
Pitying, rather than with fears.


	43. Kementári's Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haldir muses on the life of an Elf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Mother Nature's Son" by John Lennon and Paul McCartney; sung by Haldir.

Born an Elf in Lórien –  
Kementári's son.  
All night long I’m playing, dancing now with everyone.  
Sit beside the Celebrant – hear its waters flow.  
Listen to the liquid sound of music there below.  
Find me on Cerin Amroth –  
Kementári's son.  
Rustling _mellyrn_ call to mind the gold of setting sun.  
Kementári's son


	44. Laurelindórenan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Galadriel travels from Eregion to the Golden Wood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Baker Street" by Gerry Rafferty; sung by Galadriel.

My way's to Laurelindórenan  
Thoughts in my head and ring on my hand  
There is still a price to pay  
We found to our dismay  
Though we thought we knew everything

Unlike the Flight today's retreat's not cold  
It's full of fiery anger kindled in my soul  
That it's taken me so long  
To find out I was wrong  
When I thought I knew everything

I used to think that it was so easy  
I once believed that it was so easy  
But I'm flying, I'm flying now  
Another year and he would be beaten  
Just one more year and then he'd be beaten  
But who's lying, who's lying now?

We hope the Wood will be our safer place  
We're traveling there, and hope to reach it by grace  
Its trees are gold and green  
Like none I've ever seen  
And I thought I'd seen everything

I had this dream about ruling a land  
I never gave up the wish for power in my hands  
So now I'll settle down  
Like a queen without a crown  
And defend it from everything

But I know he'll always keep trying  
I know he's never going to stop trying  
Just like Morgoth, he's an evil one  
A long defeat with every new morning  
And if he wins there'll be no new morning  
Can I hold out, face him alone?


	45. Legolas Greenleaf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A song about the events in Moria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Eleanor Rigby" by John Lennon and Paul McCartney.

Ah, look at all the frightened Hobbits  
Ah, look at all the frightened Hobbits

Legolas Greenleaf picks up his bow  
and arrows in the cave to defend  
All of his friends  
Waits for a good shot, hand on the string  
that he pulls with his deadly Elf grace  
He'll not lose face

All the frightened Hobbits  
They soon will find courage  
All the frightened Hobbits  
For honor is their pledge

Gandalf the Wizard, wielding his staff  
with intent to dispose of the foe  
He did not know  
It was a Balrog that he would fight  
In the night of the caverns so deep  
He'll his friends keep

All the frightened Hobbits  
They soon will find courage  
All the frightened Hobbits  
For honor is their pledge

Ah, look at all the frightened Hobbits  
Ah, look at all the frightened Hobbits

Legolas Greenleaf shot all his shafts  
and drew knife to go into the fray  
Yearning to slay  
Gandalf the Wizard cried to them all  
Not to fall, but to flee from the cave  
He did them save

All the frightened Hobbits  
They soon will find courage  
All the frightened Hobbits  
For honor is their pledge


	46. Lobelia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo's reaction when he returns to Bag End from his adventures with the Dwarves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Cecilia" by Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel; sung by Bilbo, written by that sterling team of Saruman and Glorfindel.

'Belia, I'm taking Bag End  
Mistakenly thought to be vacant  
Oh Lobelia, I know you're displeased  
I will not appease you at all

'Belia, I'm taking Bag End  
Mistakenly thought to be vacant  
Oh Lobelia, I know you're displeased  
I will not appease you at all  
Save your gall

Counting spoons after they're returned by Lobelia  
And her spouse Otho (counting spoons)  
Put them back in their locked case  
There's a gap in the line  
Seems that some are misplaced

'Belia, I'm taking Bag End  
Mistakenly thought to be vacant  
Oh Lobelia, I know you're displeased  
I will not appease you at all  
Save your gall

Botheration, confound it all too,  
My journey gave her this advantage  
Botheration, confound it all too,  
My journey gave her this advantage


	47. Longbottom Leaf (I Chose Bilbo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gandalf sings about the beginning of _The Hobbit_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)" by John Lennon and Paul McCartney; sung by Gandalf.

I once had a pipe, or should I say, it once had me  
It fit in my pack, isn't it sweet, Longbottom Leaf?

I picked up the pipe in the Shire one day all unaware  
Of how it would damage my lungs and leave smells in my hair

I sat in an inn, watching them all, smoking a bowl  
They discussed their quest, worried but keen, who'd make fourteen?

They asked if I knew of a burglar to help them – he'd have to be daft  
I told them I did if a Hobbit would be good enough

And so they agreed, and as you know, I chose Bilbo  
He also smokes weed, isn't it sweet, Longbottom Leaf.


	48. Lord Sauron's Song - from Silmarillion: the Musical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sauron sings to a captive Frodo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "King Herod's song," from Jesus Christ Superstar, lyrics by Tim Rice, music by Andrew Lloyd Webber; sung by Sauron.
> 
> The concept of _Silmarillion: The Musical_ is borrowed from Cassie Claire's _Very Secret Diaries_. This song is an AU. What if Frodo had actually been taken to Barad-Dûr after being captured by the Orcs at Cirith Ungol? How would Sauron have reacted?

Frodo, I am overjoyed  
To finally see your face  
You've been getting in the way  
All around my place  
Wounding Shelob  
And shouting Elvish words  
A Perian is what you are?  
At least that's what I've heard

So you are the spy  
You're the great Halfling spy  
I will make sure that you are mine  
Though it may take a little time  
Be sure that I'll do  
Something nasty to you  
Frodo, you are a fool

Frodo you will soon believe  
The power of my Eye  
You will squirm and cry aloud  
And wish that you could die  
Oh what a pity  
If you give in fast  
Still I'm sure  
That careful torture will ensure you last

So if you are the spy  
Yes the great Halfling spy  
What is it that you do here?  
Your mission has gone wrong, I fear  
Be sure that I'll do  
Something nasty to you  
Frodo, you are a fool

You can't believe that you can tell a lie to me  
Why pretend that you just came  
To surf on Nûrnen Sea? (Oh, ho ho)  
I am waiting  
To hear how you might take  
A well-deserved vacation  
On that so-bitter lake

So if you are the spy  
Yes the great Halfling spy  
You'd better go and train some more  
To sneak around in _my_ Mordor  
Something's gone wrong for you  
You were caught, no ado  
Frodo, you are a fool

Hey! Aren't you scared Baggins-boy?  
That you'll be an Orc-toy?  
You're a joke, you're not the spy  
You're just an average guy  
Take him away  
He's got nothing to say!  
Get out you Perian  
Get out you Perian  
Get out you Perian fool!  
Get out of here, you, you!  
Get out of here, you!  
Get out of my sight!


	49. Lórien

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haldir sings about his home, after the end of the War of the Ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Allentown" by Billy Joel; sung by Haldir.

Well we're living here in Lórien  
Till we travel and begin again  
Out in Valinor they say it's nice –  
Traveling West  
Still has its price

Well our fathers made the Last Alliance  
Circled Mordor like a living fence  
Fought with dark Sauron for seven years  
And though we won  
'Twas with many tears

And we're living here in Lórien  
But the sea-longing cannot be quenched  
And the mallorns are all turning grey

Well we're waiting here in Lórien  
Lady Galadriel will lead us, then  
We'll go west across the briny waves  
By the Straight Road  
Not by the grave

So the bows and arrows lean on the wall  
And they surely were a help to us all  
But the world of war is not what's real  
Hating to wound,  
We'd much rather heal

And we're waiting here in Lórien  
Though the Elves and Dwarves may soon all be friends  
Still we'll have to travel West someday

Even though I'm a pretty good shot  
I still don't want to think that that's all I've got  
And now that Sauron's gone I'll try some new things  
Like seeing where the seagulls go on bold wings

Well we're living here in Lórien  
Someday soon we'll travel with the winds  
But we won't be heading out today

And we're living here in Lórien


	50. Mary-Sue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An anonymous fanfic reader ponders the phenomenon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Nowhere Man" by John Lennon and Paul McCartney.

She's a real Mary-Sue  
Hair of gold and eyes of blue  
Making plans to take over the Fellowship

Speaks from shifting points of view  
Doesn't know she's out of true  
Isn't she annoying as can be?  
Mary-Sue, I'm wishing  
That you would only listen  
Mary-Sue, the tale is not about you

She's as cute as she can be  
Aragorn is on his knees  
Mary-Sue, can you heal Frodo's wound?  
Mary Sue, your flirting  
May be awfully diverting  
But in all, somebody else  
Would be less bothersome  
Ah, la, la, la, la

Speaks from shifting points of view  
Doesn't know she's out of true  
Isn't she annoying as can be?  
Mary-Sue, I'm wishing  
That you would only listen  
Mary-Sue, the tale is not about you  
Ah, la, la, la, la

She's a real Mary-Sue  
Hair of gold and eyes of blue  
Making plans to take over the Fellowship  
Making plans to take over the Fellowship  
Making plans to take over the Fellowship


	51. Me and That Gimli

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duet between Gimli and Legolas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Me and My Shadow," words by Billy Rose, music by Al Jolson & Dave Dreyer, as sung by Robbie Williams and Jonathon Wilkes in duet; sung by Legolas and Gimli.
> 
> This parody was prompted by Eledhwen at [TheOneRing.net](http://www.theonering.net/index.stat).

_Gimli:  
_ Like a diamond clings to the stone  
Like a Dwarf from his cave cannot be  
Like you'll never get rid of your shadow  
Leg', you'll never get rid of me

If the Hobbits all disappear  
Whatever happens, I'll be here

 _Legolas:  
_ [Me and that Gimli]  
 _Gimli:  
_ We're closer than Elf and Dwarf ever have been  
We're acting like brothers (if under the skin)  
 _Legolas:  
_ [Bashing Orcs at old Helm's Deep]  
 _Gimli:  
_ Wherever you find him, I'll be there, again  
Closer than an arrow in the valley of the shadow

 _Legolas:_  
Me and that Gimli  
We're closer than Sam and Frodo on quest  
We're friends, no arguing who's better dressed  
Not an Orc can beat either of us  
We kill them with little fuss

 _Together:_  
And when it's time to ride  
Down to Gondor  
We share a horse  
Gimli can't hide  
All his horror  
Legolas of course  
Will not worry

 _Legolas:_  
[Me and that Gimli]  
 _Gimli:_  
And now to repeat what I said at the start  
Even the blue ocean won't break us apart  
 _Legolas:_  
Oceans won't scare him with me

 _Gimli:_  
Before we get finished, we'll go to Valinor  
We'll see the Ringbearers and then a few more  
Elves and the Valar, we'll have time for it all  
Life is gonna be a real ball  
For Legolas and me!


	52. Mithrandir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A meditation on the wizard's purpose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Rhiannon" by Fleetwood Mac, sung by Aragorn.

Mithrandir rides like an eagle in flight  
And truth he will discover  
Hope to inflict on the Steward a fright  
With Pippin as his cover

All his life his goal has been  
for peace, Sauron's long defeat  
Will he stay if Gondor should succeed?  
With his task complete?

He is like a star in the dark  
A bright but cryptic teacher  
Inspiring some on the good to embark  
But makes of none his creature

All his life his goal has been  
for peace, Sauron's long defeat  
Will he stay if Gondor should succeed?  
With his task complete?  
With his task complete?

Mithrandir  
Mithrandir  
Mithrandir  
Mithrandir

He rides like an eagle in flight  
And truth he will discover  
Hope to inflict on the Steward a fright  
With Pippin as his cover

All his life his goal has been  
for peace, Sauron's long defeat  
Will he stay if Gondor should succeed?  
With his task complete?  
With his task complete?

Mithrandir  
Mithrandir  
Mithrandir  
Ooooh

Time to try  
Witch-king to defy  
Time to try  
Witch-king to defy  
Time to try  
Witch-king to defy

Right he'll mind  
In this shape confined  
Right he'll mind  
In this shape confined


	53. Mordor Is a Blight - from Silmarillion: The Musical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Musical dialogue between Sam, Frodo, and Gollum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Everything's Alright" from _Jesus Christ Superstar_ , lyrics by Tim Rice, music by Andrew Lloyd Webber; sung by Sam, Gollum, and Frodo. The concept of _Silmarillion: The Musical_ is borrowed from Cassie Claire's _Very Secret Diaries_.

_Sam:_  
You ought to be worried  
You ought to be nervous  
I don't mean to upset you but  
(oh) Don't you know  
Mordor is a blight  
Yes Mordor is grim  
And I know I won't rest well tonight  
Watching Gollum will destroy sleep tonight  
We may try  
To get by  
But our danger increases each night

 _Local fauna:_  
Mordor is a blight  
Yes Mordor is a blight yes

 _Sam:_  
Sleep and I shall watch you  
Keep you and protect you  
No harm upon your head  
(oh) But I feel  
Mordor is a blight yes  
Mordor is grim  
And it's dark and the lands are drear  
And I don't think we can leave from here  
Close your eyes  
Close your eyes  
Mr. Frodo  
I will watch you tonight

 _Local fauna:_  
Mordor is a blight  
Yes Mordor is a blight yes

 _Gollum:_  
Hobbit your stewed rabbit  
Carefully cooked with herbs  
Should have been left for me raw  
Why has it been wasted?  
It could have fed maybe  
Ourself for three evenings or more  
Precious who is hungry  
Precious who is starving  
Matters more  
Than your silly stew

 _Sam:_  
You ought to be worried  
You ought to be nervous  
I don't mean to upset you but  
(oh) Don't you know  
Mordor is a blight  
Yes Mordor is grim  
And I know I won't rest well tonight  
Watching Gollum will destroy sleep tonight  
We may try  
To get by  
But our danger increases each night

 _Local fauna:_  
Mordor is a blight  
Yes Mordor is a blight yes

 _Frodo:_  
Surely you're not saying  
We ought to turn back now  
From distances dearly bought?  
Although there is always  
Danger before us now  
Look at how far we've got!  
Eat while you still can Sam  
Sleep while you still can Sam  
You'll be lost  
You'll be so lonely  
When I'm gone

 _Sam:_  
Sleep and I shall watch you  
Keep you and protect you  
No harm upon your head  
(oh) But I feel  
Mordor is a blight yes  
Mordor is grim  
And it's dark and the lands are drear  
And I don't think we can leave from here  
Close your eyes  
Close your eyes  
Mr. Frodo  
I will watch you tonight

 _Local fauna:_  
Mordor is a blight  
Yes Mordor is a blight yes

 _Sam:_  
Close your eyes  
Close your eyes  
Mr. Frodo  
I will watch you tonight

(repeat to fade)


	54. My Master's Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam in Mordor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the sonnet that begins "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun," by William Shakespeare; composed by Sam Gamgee.

My master's eyes are bleary without sun  
The harsh rocks bruise his feet to angry red  
If he must fight, I doubt it will be won  
Stone is the only pillow for his head

I have seen Gollum lurking just in sight  
He's followed us for days that feel like weeks  
And Master says that he will do what's right -  
I think he does not know of what he speaks

It hurts to see him hurt, and well I know  
That all his strength is to the Ring now bound  
Although I never saw a hero go -  
My master goes to where destruction's found

And so, by goodness, I think my master's rare  
As even Aragorn, Isildur's heir


	55. My Rosie's Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam rather misses the point of the original.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the sonnet that begins "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun" by William Shakespeare; written by Samwise Gamgee.

My Rosie's eyes are brilliant as the sun  
A rose is put to shame by her lips' red  
Pure white as snow, her aprons, every one  
Her braided hair adorns her sightly head

I have seen cherries growing, red from white  
Fruit and blossom made dim by her fair cheeks  
And in no perfume is there more delight  
Than the fresh bread she makes me each two weeks

Whenever she does speak, why then I know  
That music has no more euphonous sound  
Although I've seen an Elf-queen softly go  
My Rosie when she walks but skims the ground

And so, I tell you, she to me is rare  
As any in the world, beyond compare


	56. Nazgûl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aragorn ponders these enemies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Blackbird" by John Lennon and Paul McCartney; sung by Aragorn.

Nazgûl winging over Mordor's blight  
Leprous creature upon which you fly  
All your life  
You have spent in seeking that which you cannot attain

Nazgûl winging over Mordor's blight  
Needing Sauron's Eye with which to see  
All your life  
You have sought from cold death ever to be finally free

Nazgûl fly Nazgûl fly  
Into the storm of an endless night

Nazgûl fly Nazgûl fly  
Into the storm of an endless night

Nazgûl winging over Mordor's blight  
Leprous creature upon which you fly  
All your life  
You have spent in seeking that which you cannot attain  
You have spent in seeking that which you cannot attain  
You have spent in seeking that which you cannot attain


	57. The Nazgûl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sung by the Witch-King of Angmar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "The Boxer" by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel; sung by the Witch-king of Angmar, written by Saruman and Glorfindel.

I am just a Nazgûl and my story's rather old  
I gave in to dark lord Sauron for a pretty golden ring  
Such is avarice.  I was a king  
Now I live as shapeless nothing and care not for anything.

Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.

When I joined the wraiths in their brotherhood I was slowly getting old  
And I feared both death and changes.  In the quiet Sauron tempted me and  
I gave in.  Now I go  
Seeking out the Hobbit Frodo to deal him a mortal blow  
Whether I'll achieve this, not even Sauron knows.

Li la li, li la li li li la li, li la li, li la li li li la li la la la la li.

Asking only long-term power  
I accepted that gold ring, but now Sauron has it  
And I'm slave to his dark will for all eternity.  I do declare  
Had I known my future was this bad I never would have dared.

La la la la la la la la

Now I'm laying out my robes of black and wishing they were green  
Even red, something other than plain black which is exceedingly  
(Heed you me) dull to wear.

On the hilltop stands this Nazgûl and I must do Sauron's will  
For he orders my existence  
And every breath that I take now  
Is threatened if I should fail, but the Ranger bears a flame  
So I'm leaving, I am leaving – but the Morgul-blade remains.

Li la li, li la li li li la li, li la li, li la li li li la li la la la la li.


	58. Old Bilbo Baggins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at Bilbo's life, after his adventure with the Dwarves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Lady Madonna" by John Lennon and Paul McCartney; sung by Hobbits in the Shire.

Old Bilbo Baggins, children at your feet  
Wonder how the dragon you did once defeat  
Who found the doorstep for that dark descent  
Did you think that your success was somehow meant

First the Dwarves arrived and filled up your space  
Talked you into doing what you'd shun  
Dragged you off, a regular wild goose chase  
See how they run

Old Bilbo Baggins, in your yellow vest  
How'd you manage to succeed in such a quest

See how they run

Old Bilbo Baggins, you know it was said  
That you'd gone because the wizard you misled

Now the dragon's gold you have been spending  
Many good things with it you have done  
Bought a poor man's sheep he now is tending  
See how they run

Old Bilbo Baggins, children at your feet  
Wonder how the dragon you did once defeat


	59. Orcs!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faramir's reaction to Sauron's creatures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Help!" by by John Lennon and Paul McCartney; sung by Faramir.

(Orcs) We need to make tracks  
(Orcs) Cannot stop or relax  
(Orcs) You know we need to run  
(Orcs)

When I was younger and my brother still in charge  
He never feared an Orc be it ever so large  
But now those times are gone  
And I am in command  
Now events bar his presence  
Despite all that we planned

Orcs are menacing all of Gondor  
And there's nothing that we loathe and despise more  
Orcs are now upon the eastern shore  
So we must, must fight Orcs

And now the skies are dark and hope forsakes us all  
Our independence may not have too far to fall  
But every now and then I think of what could be  
I wish a king might come and bring  
The dream of victory

Orcs are menacing all of Gondor  
And there's nothing that we loathe and despise more  
Orcs are now upon the eastern shore  
So we must, must fight Orcs

When I was younger and my brother still in charge  
He never feared an Orc be it ever so large  
But now those times are gone  
And I am in command  
Now events bar his presence  
Despite all that we planned

Orcs are menacing all of Gondor  
And there's nothing that we loathe and despise more  
Orcs are now upon the eastern shore  
So we must, must fight Orcs, Orcs, Orcs, ooh


	60. Orodruin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frodo and Sam travel towards the dread mountain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "America" by Paul Simon; sung by Frodo and Sam.

"Let us leave, Samwise, I dare not go to Minas Tirith;  
Bring some rope, _lembas_ , whatever we need"  
So they crossed the mighty Anduin with Frodo rowing hard  
And trudged off to look for Orodruin

"Samwise," he said as they sought for a path through the steep hills  
"Lórien seems like a dream that is gone"  
It took them nine days to reach the Morannon and  
Could not it pass to Orodruin

Walking through the trees  
Of Ithilien's hillsides  
Faramir took them and warned them at Henneth Annûn  
Gollum deceived them and led them to Shelob for dinner

"Follow me quickly Sam, we have to make it to Mordor"  
"Look out behind you, there's danger afoot"  
But Frodo was by Orcs taken, and Sam was left behind  
And the Ring seemed likely to be reclaimed

"Master, I'm lost," Sam said, but he found Mister Frodo  
"I did save the Ring for you and here it is"  
Walking through Gorogoroth despite their danger  
They've gone on to look for Orodruin  
Gone on to look for Orodruin  
Gone on to look for Orodruin


	61. Palantír - from Silmarillion: The Musical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denethor gazes into its dark surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Superstar" from _Jesus Christ Superstar_ , lyrics by Tim Rice, music by Andrew Lloyd Webber; sung by Denethor. The concept of _Silmarillion: The Musical_ is borrowed from Cassie Claire's _Very Secret Diaries_.

Every time I look in you I more understand  
Why there is no hope for us in Elendil's land  
No success can be ours despite all we've planned  
Sauron's sure to take all of us into his own hand  
If there were a king he might have been our salvation  
But for no false claimant will I make my abdication  
I know I'm not wrong – I will not let it go

 _Palantír_ , _palantír_  
What are you? Why are things so unclear?  
 _Palantír_ , seeing stone  
Is there some way our fate to postpone?

Show me what the Dark Lord does and what is his plot  
Can we stand against his force or is there no shot?  
Boromir is strong enough to lead men so far  
Can they though conduct a battle to Sauron's armies bar?  
If I trust what you show do I make a mistake or  
Am I right to turn away that oh-so-kingly faker?  
I know I'm not wrong – I will not let it go

 _Palantír_ , _palantír_  
What are you? Why are things so unclear?  
 _Palantír_ , seeing stone  
Is there some way our fate to postpone?


	62. Pelennor Fields Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faramir courts Éowyn as they recover from battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Strawberry Fields Forever" by John Lennon & Paul McCartney; sung by Faramir to Éowyn.

Come and ride with me  
Cause I'm going to Pelennor Fields  
Now that I'm healed  
And all the West is up in arms  
Pelennor Fields forever

Fighting is easy for some folks  
The fear of pain still troubles me  
I had to overcome my doubts  
But it all worked out  
The future matters still to me

Come and ride with me  
Cause I'm going to Pelennor Fields  
Now that I'm healed  
And all the West is up in arms  
Pelennor Fields forever

You're thinking of him I can see  
I read it in your eyes, they glow.  
I hope you come to learn that I  
Value your worth  
Your love can only make you sad

Come and ride with me  
Cause I'm going to Pelennor Fields  
Now that I'm healed  
And all the West is up in arms  
Pelennor Fields forever

Someday soon I hope you'll agree  
To return my feelings and esteem  
I think I love I hope, ah yes  
We do belong  
Together and forever be

Come and ride with me  
Cause I'm going to Pelennor Fields  
Now that I'm healed  
And all the West is up in arms  
Pelennor Fields forever  
Pelennor Fields forever  
Pelennor Fields forever


	63. The Plains of Gorgoroth Song (Feelin' Weary)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frodo sings about the trek to Mordor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "The Fifty-Ninth Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)," by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel; sung by Frodo Baggins, written by Saruman and Glorfindel.

Walk on, we must move fast  
We dare not let the One Ring last  
Let's hurry on to Sauron's land  
Watchin' for Orcs and feelin' weary

La la la la la la la la la la, feelin' weary

Hello Gollum, where ya goin'?  
Your lust to steal is clearly showin'  
Have to watch you lest you flee  
Do it do do do, feelin' weary

La la la la la la la la la la, feelin' weary

We have stern deeds to do and promises to keep  
And when we have finished who knows where we'll sleep  
If we make it to Mount Doom I'll hope to be free  
But just now I'm feelin' weary

La la la la la la la la la la, feelin' weary


	64. Radagast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Brown Wizard's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Dancing Queen" written by Benny Anderson, Stig Anderson and Bjorn Ulvaeus, performed by ABBA; sung by Gandalf.

He can plant, he can grow, talking to beasts and to birds  
Wandering through the grass, remember Radagast

Summertime and the days are long  
Crickets all shrill their wings in song  
Animals raise their young ones, those born in the spring  
Birds in their joy take wing  
Rhosgobel is his favorite place  
Near the wood but with lots of space  
He can study the creatures of this Middle-earth  
He has forgotten duty  
Caught up with bird and bee

And he is Radagast, Brown member of the Wizard caste  
Radagast, mesmerized by the world so vast  
He can plant, he can grow, talking to beasts and to birds  
Wandering through the grass, remember Radagast

He was meant to help Elf and Man  
That was part of the Valar's plan  
But he soon was distracted by the world so wide  
He has forgotten duty  
Caught up with bird and bee

And he is Radagast, Brown member of the Wizard caste  
Radagast, mesmerized by the world so vast  
He can plant, he can grow, talking to beasts and to birds  
Wandering through the grass, remember Radagast


	65. The Ranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aragorn sings to Frodo of a Ranger's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "The Stranger" by Billy Joel; sung by Aragorn Telcontar.

Well the North is my place  
And I've wandered there forever  
So it seems to those who know of me  
And mostly wish me gone  
But I dress myself in steel  
And I wrap myself in leather  
They're the garments of a Ranger  
So I have to put them on

Well I ride to protect  
And I disregard the danger  
And I risk myself in duty  
For a reason I now tell  
And you may be surprised  
When you ask about that Ranger  
Did you ever think that you would learn  
The Ranger is myself?

You are afraid of those black men  
They pursued you here  
Terrified your friends  
You bear It, there is no one else  
Who can hide this thing  
Better than yourself

Once I rode to the South  
With the Rohirrim was mounted  
And I also served in Gondor –  
Minas Tirith is my prize  
I have fought against the Dark Lord  
For more years than might be counted  
It's my mission as a Ranger  
And now you I will advise

Well I ride to protect  
And I disregard the danger  
And I risk myself in duty  
For I reason I now tell  
And you may be surprised  
When you ask about that Ranger  
Did you ever think that you would learn  
The Ranger is myself?

You are afraid of those black men  
They pursued you here  
Terrified your friends  
You bear It, there is no one else  
Who can hide this thing  
Better than yourself

Now you soon will understand  
How the Ranger is inspired  
For although you doubt his visage  
Looks do not mean everything  
I will guard you from the Nazgûl  
And I'll guide you to the Fires  
You will find I'm worth my hire  
When the Ranger becomes King


	66. Ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frodo sings in Rivendell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Chains" written by Goffin/King, as performed by the Beatles; sung by Frodo.

Ring, my neck is burdened by this gold Ring.  
And it ain't no cause for jubilee.  
Whoa, oh, this Ring of gold got a hold on me, yeah.

Ring, well I can't get away from this Ring.  
Can't stay at home; Sauron would see.  
Whoa oh, this Ring of gold is haunting me, yeah.

I wanna tell you, Samwise Gamgee,  
I need your help.  
I have to travel  
But, Samwise, I am weighed down by this

Ring, my neck is burdened by this gold Ring.  
And it ain't no cause for jubilee.  
Whoa, oh, this Ring of gold got a hold on me, yeah.

Please believe me when I tell you  
I trust your heart.  
I know you'll follow  
And help me with the onus of this

Ring, my neck is burdened by this gold Ring.  
And it ain't no cause for jubilee.  
Whoa, oh, this Ring of gold got a hold on me, yeah.

Ring, ring of gold...


	67. Rosie My Dear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam thinks of Rosie back in the Shire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Martha My Dear" by John Lennon and Paul McCartney; sung by Sam.

Rosie my dear though I'm far away  
In Sauron's Mordor  
Please  
Remember me Rosie my love  
Don't forget me Rosie my dear  
Keep your chin firm my darling girl think of your Sam  
When you find danger in the Shire at home  
Don't be feared, know that I will be soon be home to see you  
Darling girl.  
Think of those who surround you  
Think of your Sam you're bound to see  
That you and me will always be bound together  
Darling girl.  
Keep your head up my darling girl think of your Sam  
When you find danger in the Shire at home  
Don't be feared, know that I will be soon be home to see you  
Darling girl.  
Rosie my dear you have always been  
My garden's border  
Please  
Be true to me Rosie my love  
Don't forget me Rosie my dear.


	68. Run Run Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pursuit of the Orcs across Rohan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Fun Fun Fun" by Brian Wilson and Mike Love, performed by the Beach Boys; sung by Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas.

_Aragorn:_  
Well we fought against the Orcs  
And they fled across the plains of Rohan now  
Seems we forgot to be certain that the Hobbits  
Were in our careful hands now  
And with the Uruk-hai marching  
We must chase them just as fast as we can now

And we will run run run  
Till we catch them, we will not delay  
(Run run run till we catch them, we will not delay)

 _Gimli:_  
Well this Dwarf has to stand it  
Though I'm unaccustomed to this pace now  
(They picked up the pace now they picked up the pace)  
This makes the journey from Imladris look like a simple marching test case now  
(They picked up the pace now they picked up the pace)  
But we have to try to catch them  
Even though they're far ahead in this chase now  
(They picked up the pace now they picked up the pace)

And we will run run run  
Till we catch them, we will not delay  
(Run run run till we catch them, we will not delay)

 _Legolas:_  
Well we knew all along  
That the Orcs might notice that we pursue now  
(We couldn't have hid now we couldn't have hid)  
But since we had no other choice  
We will do the best that we can all do now  
(We couldn't have hid now we couldn't have hid)  
For though we be only three  
Nothing will prevent us from pushing through now  
(We couldn't have hid now we couldn't have hid)

And we will run run run till we catch them, we will not delay  
(Run run run till we catch them, we will not delay)  
And we will run run run till we catch them, we will not delay  
(Run run run till we catch them, we will not delay)  
(Run run till we catch them, we will not delay)  
(Run run till we catch them, we will not delay)  
(Run run till we catch them, we will not delay)  
(Run run till we catch them, we will not delay)  
(Run run till we catch them, we will not delay)  
(Run run till we catch them, we will not delay)


	69. Sauron Always Wants to Rule the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gandalf thinks of Frodo off in Mordor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears; sung by Gandalf.

Welcome to the quest  
There's no going back  
And when you're asleep  
He will find you  
Come into your nightly visions  
There to speak to your derision  
Sauron always wants to rule the world  
What is your desire?  
What is your remorse?  
He plays on your fright  
He plays on the source  
Of all your consternation  
Luring you to hesitation  
Sauron always wants to rule the world  
There's a land where the air is bitter  
Shifting sands and with sharp rocks on the ground  
Go there, prove that you are no quitter  
So close to doing your deed  
Don't let your dreams you mislead  
Sauron always wants to rule the world  
Can you stand to come so far yet  
To evil give in and abet  
Sauron always wants to rule the world  
Say that you'll never never never consent  
Withstand all of his torment  
Sauron always wants to rule the world  
Remember life's small pleasures  
Though they cannot last forever  
Sauron always wants to rule the world


	70. Shireward Bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam sings as he and Frodo travel through Mordor to Orodruin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Homeward Bound" by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel; sung by Sam Gamgee, written by the duo of Saruman and Glorfindel.

I'm sitting in the Ephel Dúath  
Got a half-hour to the end of my watch.  
On a tour of Mordor's sights, my pans and rope are packed up tight,  
And every day and every night I watch and then my thoughts take flight.  
Shireward bound,  
I wish I was  
Shireward bound,  
Shire, where the Gaffer's snoring,  
Shire, where the roots are growing,  
Shire, where my Rosie's waiting  
Patiently for me.

Every day's a deadly dream  
Of rock and waste and "are we seen."  
And each league looks the same to me, the barren earth is all I see,  
Though Mister Frodo's guiding me I know we both would rather be  
Shireward bound,  
I wish I was  
Shireward bound,  
Shire, where the Gaffer's snoring,  
Shire, where the roots are growing,  
Shire, where my Rosie's waiting  
Patiently for me.

Tonight I'll munch _lembas_ again  
For Frodo's sake I will pretend.  
But in the dark I cannot see and panic may take over me  
Like water cold and silently might rise and start a'drowning me.  
Shireward bound,  
I wish I was  
Shireward bound,  
Shire, where the Gaffer's snoring,  
Shire, where the roots are growing,  
Shire, where my Rosie's waiting  
Patiently for me.  
Patiently for me.


	71. Son of a Ranger Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arwen sings of her meeting with Aragorn in Lórien.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Son of a Preacher Man" as performed by Dusty Springfield; sung by Arwen.

Aragorn was a Ranger's son,  
And when his travels led northward to Lórien,  
After Gran and Granddad finished talking  
I met Aragorn while walking,  
On a green hill we went walking  
And he looked into my eyes –  
I ne'er was so surprised.

The only one who could e'er convince me,  
Was the son of a ranger man,  
The only one who could "I'm your prince" me,  
Was the son of a ranger man,  
Yes he was, he was, oh yes he was.

Elvish life isn't always easy –  
You know that my mama died –  
Then he started complimenting me,  
He said I was Lúthien of twilight,  
He looked at me like a star in the twilight.  
Could I bear to lose him from my sight?

The only one who could e'er convince me,  
Was the son of a ranger man,  
The only one who could "I'm your prince" me,  
Was the son of a ranger man,  
Yes he was, he was, oh yes he was.

And I still remember  
The love that was in his eyes,  
Stealing glances at me, and his sighs,  
Though his time and my time  
Are of different rates and climes,  
Yet we found ourselves soon knowing  
Silently love for us had grown.

The only one who could e'er convince me,  
Was the son of a ranger man,  
The only one who could "I'm your prince" me,  
Was the son of a ranger man,  
Yes he was, he was, oh yes he was.

The only one who could e'er convince me,  
Was the son of a ranger man,  
The only one who could "I'm your prince" me,  
Was the son of a ranger man.

The only one who could e'er convince me,  
Was the son of a ranger man,  
The only one who could "I'm your prince" me,  
Was the son of a ranger man.


	72. Stars Are Cold Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arwen sings after the death of Aragorn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Ain't No Sunshine" performed by Bill Withers; sung by Arwen.

Stars are cold now that he's gone  
Though I begged him long to stay  
Stars are cold now that he's gone  
And I do not here belong now that he has gone away.

I knew this end all along  
I knew that he could not stay  
Stars are cold now that he's gone  
And my life will not be long now that he has gone away.

And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,  
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,  
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,  
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know

That I ought to not his death bemoan  
But stars are cold now that he's gone, only sorrow every day.  
Stars are cold now that he's gone  
And my life will not be long now that he has gone away.

Now that he has gone away.  
Now that he has gone away.  
Now that he has gone away.  
Now that he has gone away.


	73. Steward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone is concerned about Denethor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Cloudy" by Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel; sung by Gandalf, written by Saruman and Glorfindel.

Steward  
Your world is black and white and inward  
And everything that in the world you see  
Simply stimulates your bile.  
Though your cause may be worthwhile  
You've begun to be beguiled  
By thinking that your knowledge will save Gondor's every mile.

Steward  
Your thoughts are by palantír now blurred  
They travel over the boundaries  
They roam and often dwell  
On the strength of Sauron's dell  
And you don't see it's a spell  
That he's leading you to madness and despair that will you kill.

Hey guardian  
You haven't smiled in a long time  
Why don't you leave your tower far behind?  
The future will defy  
Any plans of you or I  
So don't feel you must try.  
At any rate you know it's not polite to be a spy.

Steward,  
Steward.


	74. A Taste of Lembas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam sings as he and Frodo approach Mount Doom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "A Taste of Honey" as performed by the Beatles; sung by Sam.

A taste of _lembas_... tasting much better than _cram_.  
I dream of fish and taters fried  
And wish instead of crumbs inside,  
A taste of _lembas_... tasting much better than _cram_.  
We won't return, no we won't return  
Can't come back despite _lembas_ , it's true.  
It was that food that let us walk  
Our volition it would not balk  
That taste of _lembas_... tasting much better than _cram_.  
We won't return, no we won't return,  
Can't come back (can't come back) despite _lembas_ (despite _lembas_ ) it's true.


	75. These Fading Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frodo muses before departing to the West.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "These Foolish Things," by Bryan Ferry; sung by Frodo in the Shire, before leaving for the West.

Oh will it never let me be  
Oh will it never set me free  
The Ring that I bore  
Though it is no more  
It still invades my memory  
I recall every hope and pain  
From walking there and back again

A mithril shirt that bears an Orc-spear's traces  
A scrap of leather that was trouser-laces  
All of my thoughts have wings  
These outworn things  
Remind me of it

A whistling Samwise in the garden content  
Those stumbling steps of Elanor so intent  
A memory of stone kings  
These many things  
Remind me of it

It was  
So small  
But conquered me  
When it did that to me, I somehow knew what would have to be

The winds of war that never bring an answer  
The winds of peace cannot make me a dancer  
Oh how the shade of it clings  
These spirit-things  
Remind me of it

Some bundled oddments serving for a pillow  
Half-drowning at the root of Old Man Willow  
All of my thoughts have wings  
These long-gone things  
Remind me of it

I knew  
That this  
Was bound to be  
My loss has haunted me, the Ring has wholly enchanted me

The rasp of fallen leaves like conversations  
Elf-cloak now thrown aside looks accusations  
Oh how the shade of it clings  
These fading things  
Remind me of it

The smile of Arwen only questions poses  
There's urgency before the Haven closes  
The song that Rosie sings  
These pressing things  
Remind me of it

How strange  
To think  
It holds me still  
What once was dear to me is somehow no longer near to me

The scent of pipeweed and the clouds like streamers  
Will draw me onward with the other dreamers  
Oh how the shade of it clings  
Every last thing  
Reminds me of it  
Just it


	76. Time to Leave Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Galadriel thinks about leaving Lórien.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Hazy Shade of Winter" by Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel; sung by Galadriel, written by the musical team of Saruman and Glorfindel.

So much time since I came here to see  
What charms might be found  
Under the _mallorn_ trees  
I stayed and took my ease  
Strange to behold, leaves are gold  
All the year – now it's time to leave forever

Crash of waves in my memory  
Down by the waterfront, the rocks and piers must bear the brunt  
Of great Ulmo's wrath  
Soon I'll return by that path  
Strange to behold, leaves are gold  
All the year – now it's time to leave forever

I came with such hopes and dreams  
Traveling with cousins dear, who one by one have passed from here  
Despite all their schemes  
Few things were clear as they seemed  
Look around, the end is nigh  
The Elves must fly, it's the autumn of our lives

Ah, three long Ages have come and gone  
In a pattern that's like a song  
Never meant to be here so long  
In Middle-earth's woods and fields  
Funny how it came to pass that late-come Men the Elves surpassed  
With swords and with shields  
Now to them we must yield

Strange to behold, leaves are gold  
All the year – now it's time to leave forever

Strange to behold, leaves are gold  
And the Elvish tale is now told...


	77. Tuckborough Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merry sends a message to Pippin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the traditional song "Scarborough Fair" as performed by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel; sung by Merry, written by Saruman and Glorfindel.

Are you going to Tuckborough Fair?  
 _Athelas_ , _niphredil_ , _mallorn_.  
Remember me to one who lives there.  
Tell him news of Rohan's bright horn.

Tell him that Merry is off to the south.  
 _Athelas_ , _niphredil_ , _mallorn_.  
No jest nor joke, this is but the truth  
Returning now to Rohan the horn.

Tell him to leave to his son all his land  
 _Athelas_ , _niphredil_ , _mallorn_.  
Between Little Delving and the White Downs,  
And come with me to take Rohan's horn.

Tell him we'll ride with the sun on our brows  
 _Athelas_ , _niphredil_ , _mallorn_.  
Towards the warm south to renew all our vows  
And mark our course by blowing that horn.

Are you going to Tuckborough Fair?  
 _Athelas_ , _niphredil_ , _mallorn_.  
Remember me to one who lives there.  
Tell him news of Rohan's bright horn.


	78. Want You TORn!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An homage to the fan website TheOneRing.net and especially to its Main discussion board.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Want You More!" by Duran Duran; sung by the author.

Three years don't seem so long  
Just a random chance I found this site and was spellbound  
I know these friends will be lifelong  
It's a fact that's still mysterious

Our common obsession here  
Is Tolkien's Middle-earth  
We're all in our ways sincere  
There's always something to keep us posting

Is the web real, or are we all faking?  
Are we misunderstood?  
Why do we think all this is so earthshaking?  
Guess it's 'cause it's so good.

Typin' the thoughts I must expound  
Reading Room is a confab where I'm gonna be outclassed  
The Main Board is more middle ground  
Where I needn't be so serious

Our common obsession here  
Is Tolkien's Middle-earth  
We're all in our ways sincere  
There's always something  
To keep us posting

Is the web real, or are we all faking?  
Are we misunderstood?  
Why do we think all this is so earthshaking?  
Guess it's 'cause it's so good.

Why do I post here more? Why do I post here?  
Why do I love you TORn?  
Why do I post here more? Why do I post here?  
Why do I post here more?

Our common obsession here  
Is Tolkien's Middle-earth  
We're all in our ways sincere  
There's always something to keep us posting just keep on posting

Is the web real, or are we all faking?  
Are we misunderstood?  
Why do we think all this is so earthshaking?  
Guess it's 'cause it's so good.

Why do I post here more? Why do I post here?  
Why do I love you TORn?  
Why do I post here more? Why do I post here?  
Why do I post here more?

Why do I post here more? Why do I post here?  
Why do I post here more? Why do I post?  
Why do I post here more? Why do I post here?  
Why do I want you TORn?


	79. What's New Legolas?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fangirl chases after the Elf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "What's New Pussycat" performed by Tom Jones; sung by an anonymous fangirl.

What's new Legolas? Woah, woah  
What's new Legolas? Woah, woah  
Legolas, Legolas  
I've got yearnings  
And I am burning  
To be with you  
So come and flash me your lovely cerulean eyes!  
Legolas, Legolas  
I love you  
Yes, I do –  
You and your sapphire-blue eyes.  
What's new Legolas? Woah, woah  
What's new Legolas? Woah, woah  
Legolas, Legolas  
You're so stunning  
That I am running  
Right after you.  
So come and show me your marvelous Elven ears!  
Legolas, Legolas  
I love you  
Yes, I do –  
You and your sharp-pointed ears.  
What's new Legolas? Woah, woah  
What's new Legolas? Woah, woah  
Legolas, Legolas  
You're enchanting  
And if my planning  
Can all come true  
I'll soon be held in your muscular archer's arms!  
Legolas, Legolas  
I love you  
Yes, I do –  
You and your masterful arms!  
You and your sharp-pointed ears!  
You and your sapphire-blue eyes!


	80. The Withywindle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hobbits begin their adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Old Folks at Home" also known as "Swanee River" by Stephen Foster; sung by the Hobbits of the Fellowship.

Way down upon the Withywindle,  
Past the High Hay,  
That's where he still lurks—Old Man Willow.  
May no more Hobbits stray  
Into the grasp of vegetation  
So far from home.  
We can't refuse his invitation  
Or the stream's cold pale foam.

 _Refrain:_  
Be a Hobbit oh so cheery,  
If he strays from home  
He'll learn of the world to be weary  
Whether on hilltop or holm.

All 'round this Middle-earth we'll wander  
Before we're done;  
Here, there, and in the wild blue yonder,  
Frightened but not undone.  
Two will rely each on the other,  
Frodo and Sam;  
Trailed by one Gollum who'd us smother–  
His change is just a sham.

 _Refrain_

Now Pippin is by Orcs abducted  
Merry is too  
We will by fear be soon instructed–  
Orcs over us argue.  
We know not help shall be forthcoming  
When we're toil-worn,  
Nor that the sound that we hear humming  
Is that of Ent Fangorn.

 _Refrain_


	81. Wizard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Saruman's death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Angel" by the Eurythmics; sung by Gandalf.

You put on this body like a shawl  
So eagerly you came here  
Walking tall  
When did you fall?

And we all followed you  
We all followed you  
Like Tirion chasing  
Arien in the heavens  
(When did you fall?)

Well he's gone out to great Eru  
Back to where we came from  
Heeding now that call...  
Heeding now that call...  
Needing now us all  
'Cause it's too late for  
Your regrets  
We'll not forget

Wizard  
Poor wizard  
'Twas Men named you  
Wizard...

He took his course  
Without a qualm  
He took his course  
Without a single qualm  
And no-one could tell him  
How to act then

And we all followed you  
We all followed you  
Like Túrin hunting  
After fiery Glaurung  
(When did you fall?)

Well he's gone out to  
great Eru  
Back to where we came from  
Heeding now that call...


	82. Wrapped Around My Finger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frodo addresses Sauron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on "Wrapped Around Your Finger" by The Police; sung by Frodo at Orodruin.

You consider me a foolish mortal  
Ruled by baser passions, never thoughtful  
Caught by your dread nazgûl if I linger  
Or if I put your ring upon my finger

I am sent to seek for its destruction  
They have sent me off in desperation  
Middle-earth's own fate is what I hold  
Wrapped up in this shining band of gold

Ill luck wrapped around my finger  
Ill luck wrapped around my finger

Necromancer, Sauron – any name,  
You're to be avoided just the same  
Only duty could induce me to it  
Not from danger run, rather pursue it

Ill luck wrapped around my finger  
Ill luck wrapped around my finger

Cirith Ungol is now far behind me  
In your smoky air you'll never find me  
At the point of caving to my wishes  
Gollum will attack me for the precious

And he'll be lost with my ring finger  
He'll be lost with my ring finger  
He'll be lost with my ring finger


End file.
